Sadness has me. It fills my body, my heart, my mind. It shatters my bones. It unmakes me. If rage is fear in disguise, then fear is sadness in disguise. We go to great lenghts in order to mask our sadness. Sadness is the most heavily suppressed feeling of all. We even allow ourselves to grief from time to time. But sadness. No way!
It is a sign of weakness. At least in the eyes of others. So, in the end, we we are sitting there, alienated and disconnected from each other, each own mired in our sadness, which we do not show to the world. Around us, there might be others you like ourselves, right here, right now. But we will never learn of it. We fear to show ourselves, we fear to express our deepest emotions because over and over again we have been rejected for it, hurt, judged and prodded with the omnipresent must-should-stick.
Adapt, don’t think.
Conform, don’t grow.
Obey, don’t feel.
So we sit here in this prison we made for ourselves, built from the iron-bars of our own and other’s “well-intended” expectations and slowly wither away.
We fade away, deprived of our connection to ourselves, our feelings, our innate power, our divine spark. Rainer Maria Rilke, a German turn-of-the-century poet, described this feeling in his seminal poem “The Panther”. A proud animal. Caged and hurt… hopeless.
But there is hope! Embrace sadness! Surrender to sadness! Humbly and sincerely accept, feel and integrate your sadness. Embracing sadness means exploring emptiness. Feeling hurt and then no-thing. Nothing. Void. Blank. And in this lies solitude. The image of the Eremite comes to mind. The old man on the mountain. Resting on the summit. Alone.
There is a book, or better a series of books I love: The Wheel of Time. One of the characters is a knight called Lan. His title, given to him by the Aiel, is “Aan’Allein” in the so- called Old Tongue. Allein is a German word meaning “alone” or “by myself”. Robert Jordan, the author of the series, consequently translates “Aan’Allein” as “One man” but also “The man who is an entire nation”. I strongly feel truth in this dichotomy, that, somehow, is none.
Being sad, feeling lost, begin alone, losing ourselves in nothingsness, ripping away the shroud of illusion to arrive at our center, our heart, which is the singularity… its scary, and very hard… but fundamentally nothing to be afraid of. Be yourself. Be a constituency of one. Be one. Be oneness. I AM.
For it is through nothing that we become everything!
Let there be light!