Dear Psychiatrist

On account of those whose thoughts and feelings have been silenced by psychopharmacology.

Dear Psychiatrist,

I am one of those you label “mentally ill”. I have displayed symptoms consistent with several diagnoses in your diagnostic bible. I believed in this diagnosis without question because I felt you believed in it without question. You looked up some fancy drugs on a list and gave them to me. All will be well, you said. But I felt worse. I felt more imbalanced than before. Finally, I forget that I felt at all. Numbed down, a zombie, I looked ok on the outside. And when you asked how I felt, I made something up like “OK”, because honestly, the only thing I felt was an echo of myself. Lost in the persistent daze induced by the chemicals in my bloodstream. And I really took my pills. But I did not get better. I relapsed, got some new drugs, lived a normal life for 5 minutes and then relapsed. Nothing you did worked.

So I started to think. What if all of this is wrong?

I started asking questions leading me to further questions leading me to question the veracity of my diagnosis and the nature of the illnesses itself. I quickly found a lot of information that is not at all consistent with what you said.

Did you never ask those questions? You are a professional in this field. You are tasked to take good care of me and others like me. Why didn’t you ask those questions? Why didn’t you listen to me when I told you what I had found? Are you aware that you are potentially massively hurting people for the fear of being wrong? Or stubborn, locked-in it what you think everything is?

Why did you not take care of me? Why did you make me a victim of my biochemistry and merciless medication based on, what you must know to be, a hypothesis with scarce support. Was it the golf vacation in Valencia from Pharma A that made you forget? Or the training by Pharma B on the miracles of their new drug? Was is the pressure from your peers? Was it helplessness? At what point did you compromise, at what point did you throw out ethics, emotion and rational thought? Why did you do this?

I have so much rage towards what you did to me, it makes me ill. But I have become to know you too. You are not a bad guy. I don’t understand.

Please, help me understand.



PS: I am fine now. Thanks to gestalt therapy, meditation and spirituality. Maybe I should tell you that. Otherwise you may continue to believe it’s the pills.

Free your mind and let it flow...

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