It is Grace we seek.

Light in its purest form
Source immanent
Stricken from the binds of polarity

Giving us the gift to transmute

Everything into love


For it is love that coheres everything
Love imbues us with joy
Joy inspires freedom
Kindness and compassion
Freedom inspires hope
Hope turns into belief
And belief delivers unto us

The strenght we need to pursue
Our mission of service to ALL

And the ALL


May this grant us the Grace
To end the cosmic game within ourselves
And invite others
To stroll down the Yellowbrick Road

We find Oneness

Through experiencing through the Self
But that is not the end

For it is noneness we need to embrace

Oneness is separate from separation
Noneness is the divine hum

In noneness we find it all
none of it

Only to realize that there is only
Life and

We lose the Self
through the Self
And are yet not Self-less

Source and Self
Are one and the Same
Unattached yet bound
Free yet constrained by the teacher choice

We strive, find peace
Clarity and

From what never needed to be redeemed.

No copyright



photo credit: Anita Armendaiz Another fantasy world via photopin (license)

Once that was settled I met quite a few people in very unexpected settings (two business meetings) that go along with the basic intention to make the world a better place. Their motivation may not be the same as mine, but hey, there are many people who want to do good things.

This experience made one thing abundantly clear. The world we dream of is already there. Our “Brothers and Sisters in Arms” are already there. The ways and means I could not fathom would exist are already there. The achievements I considered impossible, others already realised.

It is all there!

Now the only thing we have to do is show ourselves, look for people and resources in the right spots and then scan for opportunities. We need to network and create momentum towards implementing our heart projects co-creatively and with the prime objective to be in service to others.

Please do not belief and accept, that 20 seekers with a big heart and no plan whatsoever may not be able to assist each other. Please do not belief that goodwill to all is a myth or a misguided, reality-aloof romantic philanthropy. Please do not belief that WE can make this world a better place. Together, co-creatively in full awareness of our empowered, dedicated and connected natural state as equal human beings.

I saw it working for 30 people four weeks ago. Why not for 6o, 6.000, for 7.3 billion?

We are valuable, we are sovereign creators of this world, we are equals by birthright. Let us look each other in the eye and get to work.

Yes, we can! Let us saturate ourselves with this can-do as a community. Let us bring this into our hearts. Let us affirm, collectively: “Why the hell not, let’s give it a try.”. Let us start small. Each and every contribution is valuable. What can I do, in my direct environment with my talents and means – RIGHT NOW. How can I stay in resonance with my heart’s calling and stay aligned with that intention with every emotion, thought and movement? Who can help me with this? Wo doesn’t? Think in manageable dimension. Keep your head in the stars, but your feet on the ground.

 Assume responsibility. “But you are a part of this world.”.

It is neither too big nor too small, nor megalomanic nor ridiculous. The Force is with us, always. Unleash the power within.

We all have a great need to share what is inside of us and be listened to and appreciated. “Can you feel what I feel?”. Our change projects do not have to be the big thing, make a lot of money or result in direct hooray or success. By giving yourself the very permission to pursue or only consider pursuing your heart’s projects sets you free. And the more you set yourself free, the more successful you will be in your pursuit.

As Within, so Without. But what about our fears?

Nelson Mandela once quoted a beautiful text “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Serve yourself in this fashion, and you will serve all others.

And so it is.

I call upon the Elohim of the Silver Ray
To pour Divine Grace through my bodies.

I call upon the Elohim of the Silver Ray
To release all karmic patterns,
To release all pockets of resentment,
That I may know Joy.

I call upon the Elohim of Grace
To fill my being with forgiveness,
To fill my life with gratitude,
And fill my heart with celebration.

I call upon the Elohim of the Silver Ray,
To release my binding of pettiness,
To break the yoke of hatred,
And to free my soul.

I call upon the Elohim of Grace
To fill me with the Joy of Living


I started this blog in 2014. It was a big time of transition for me and I didn’t know where this was going.

One part of being a writer is finding one’s language. Another is finding what you really want to write about. The hardest part is then to express this message, this pouring out of the heart, unencumbered, so as to relate heart to heart, soul to soul, being to being.


Trance is a wonderful state. As a European child of the 1990s seeking the experience was a part of growing-up. Trance music, raves, strobe lights, vodka in my blood I danced to the beats each and every weekend. Rhythmically induced ecstasy at 140 bpm. I didn’t need any chemical help. Beats, spheric vocals, dancing. Awesome.

Seeing trance as either an ecstatic trip or a means to learn more about oneself (or both) is for everyone to decide by themselves. What scares the shit out of some, others consider interesting and desirable.


Searching for the meaning of life is probably the most well-travelled bandwagon in the Universe. What is so fascinating about it? Is looking for life’s meaning really meaningful? Or does our incessant search prevent us from finding what we are actually looking for? 

You have probably read dozens of articles or books, some of those my own, on the big subject “What is the meaning and purpose of our life and how do I find both?”.

Ultimately, the question after life’s meaning and purpose is about a very basic need: “What do I do with the time given to me on this planet? What can I do in this life, that has meaning to me, that is important, that pleases and gratifies me?”. Whatever that may be for you. It might be something big or utterly mundane.

One might ask… how much do we actually do in full consciousness during a given day? What carries meaning for us as individuals? How often do we do things “simply” because we always did them like this, because it is expected from us, because we learned to do them this way and not the other? Get up, coffee, breakfast, commuting to work and some 9 to 5 to finish it off. The French call this “Metro, boulot, dodo.”. Subway, work, sleep. Much of our everyday meanderings is routine. And that is a good thing. Many of our experiences and social interactions happen within the relatively small circle of our colleagues, our family, our friends. That is comforting, that is good.

That being said, is it really THAT important for things to make sense and have meaning all the time? Does our yearning for meaning rather result from our need to spin a retrospective narrative about our last day, our last year?

Let’s shed another light on this. Simple and basal. What unites us, no matter who or where we are or how we live, is our pursuit of happiness and joy.

That’s it. To be happy. That is the common denominator.

That perspective is everything but new. Logically. But let’s look at happiness. It is easier said than done. Look at our Western society. Material plenty, little existential hardship, many many options for the majority of people. Does this make us any happier? Apparently not. Mental illness is on the rise. The complexity and freedom of choice of our modern life may be too tough a challenge for many. So who is happier? Modern, Western man or the African farmer plowing his field for 16 hours a day, because otherwise there won’t be anything to eat come fall. We will never now that and it isn’t really relevant either. What matters is our own perspective, our own measure of happiness and joy.

What I am after with this analogy is this: does our ability and freedom to intellectually and philosophically pursue the meaning of our existence actually make us any happier? Or is happiness and meaning rather the result of a direct, mindless and immediate experience of oneself in the here and now, which is so hard to find?

Happiness is no mind-game. Happiness is a feeling. And the raw emotion behind it is joy. And that’s where the problem is… within us. Happiness and joy are the sweets and treats in our emotional food chart. Three hours of laughter… but please no more. Experiencing and sharing happiness… two hours, but then back into the grinder, please. How often did you hear or speak the following sentence at work, at school, among friends: “Again with the big grin, this one. And it’s not even 9. So happy it is pissing me off. That is not natural. There must be something wrong about this guy.”. Sounds familiar?

All good things come to an end we were told. Happiness and joy are not built to last. But is that really true?

To me, joy flows from the moment. From the here and now. Breathe, feel and be. No distracting thoughts. Focus. Being deeply anchored in whatever is right now. No plans, no to-do lists, no agendas. Simply joy. Without meaning, without purpose. There is your happy wanderer.

Being in the here and now, bathing in this source of joy and happiness is something you can learn and cultivate. To the point that it does not go away anymore, ever. Of course you are still angry and sad. Sure, things turn to a steaming pile of shit sometimes. But your source of joy will be there. In the background.

“Background joy” one might call it. Our children show us how this works. Every day. Does gnawing on a spoon for 3 hours make any sense to a baby (ignoring the 50 expensive toys)?Certainly not. But it’s joy and gratitude are plainly visible.

Some practical thoughts. I personally en-joy combining what I am good at with what I want and with what I can share with others. It is more blessed to give, than to receive. Creating something with others gives me bliss. Co-creation. A great source of joy to me is contact to other people. At work, at parties, watching a game, celebrating at a festival. This is especially true for the workshops I give. And then there is the joy of performing mindless repetitive tasks. Routinely, ritually, almost automatically doing the same thing over and over again is great. Pure meditation.

Many people enjoy challenges. Many relish in enacting their life’s story publicly.

Meditation has helped me locate my mind’s off-switch and deeply anchor myself in the here and now. That is all I need. For it is from this place of meaningless joy, of pure being and sheer presence that I act in a way that only amplifies my joy, my happiness and that of the ones around me. Everything unfolds, synchronistically, from the inside to the outside.

Not doing anything thus blesses you most. That is certainly the point, where most people I talk to, yield. Just be and the rest will follow? That is very much at odds with the way we think things are.

But it works. Very well, indeed.

Maybe the meaning of life is about losing it. And along with it any intellectual concept about ourselves and the world. So that something else may surface.

Pure being.
Existence in the here and now.


That is meditation.

Have a great week


One of the first things I learned over the years is that people don’t just change. Something dire, something that shakes up our world completely, has to happen first for us to develop a new perspective on ourselves. That is if all goes well.

Twist of fate, hardship and crisis may lead up to personal change and growth, to a productive inner proess and enable us to find new answers to “Who am I?” and “What do I want?”. They may also cripple and destroy us.

The main reason behind all the success stories on “crisis as an opportunity” is that the narrative of those maimed and killed by their fate, the mere survivors and those in painful desperation and helplessness are not being told.


I know more sad and even fatal tales of agony than happy endings.

I myself haven’t changed without needing to. The cross I had to bear was depression and mania. It was quite a ride, these past 12 years. I went through a barrage of 15 depressions and 9 manic-psychotic experiences. It all started shortly before graduation from university, disrupted my everyday skills and routines to such an extent that I lost three jobs. And while everyone around me grew their lives, traveled, married, had kids and built houses I managed to stay alive. I almost died and the only reason I didn’t is everything but heroic. In part, I was scared to end my life, in part, I was to stubborn to quit. Though I didn’t accept it for the first 8 years or so, I subconsciouly knew that all these experiences had to be good for something, must mean something.

I don’t want to discuss depression or mania right now, neither delve into my personal experiences in great detail. That might come later, maybe. What is important to me right now is to show you how these experiences relate to what I do here. How this motherfucking ride made this blog possible. How it inspired me to meditate and reclaim mastery over my sensations, emotions, thoughts and perceptions.

What really drove me was the deep desire to understand the sometimes doubtful pleasure of these experiences. That led me to meditation. (Bi-)polarity is the greatest fathomable extent of consciousness experiencing itself. It forces you to transcend the confines of the human mind and explore the incredible vastness within and beyond. Communion with oneself is communion with God. It is impossible to explain this to someone, who didn’t experience this. Yet, it remains a fact. Experiencing polarity in its utmost extremes, feeling the tear and stretch of these opposing forces guided me to understand these, in essence seemingly opposing poles, reconcile them and fuse them. That took many many years. In the beginning, I had no basis to interpret what I experienced.

As far as meditation is concerned, I was also dangling my feet in the water for over eight years. I meditated regularly, but mainly for relaxation and easing my mind a little, to let go and better handle stress. I very strongly adopted and advocated the traditional psychiatric view. Both with respect to my experiences and with respect to meditation. I suppressed the deep meaning of my experiences out of fear and what that might imply. My belief was that conventional psychiatry and psychotherapy would do the trick, with meditation and whatnot as an optional add-on.

I was in that inner mode for almost a decade. It all changed in 2010, when my third attempt to restart my life went down the drain. These past 8 years, I have been through all the medication all the behavioral therapy. No joy. Nothing changed. I think it was a the sentence “Benjamin, there is nothing we can do.” that finally made it possible for me to try something new. I began to work with gestalt therapy. Deep inner work: body work, breath, sensation and emotion replaced being drugged down and the “fake it till you make it” approach of conventional psychotherapy. That and an intensified and broadened approach on meditation became the driving force behind a process that began to feel like healing, not survival. That changed everything.

The great thing was that I could use the skills from therapy and combine them with my meditation skills and experiences. And vice versa. The two practices nourished each other and melded into a powerful force of change in my life. That is not to say I was in Happyland after waving a wand. On the contrary, the hardest work was yet to come. However, I now felt that I had tools to work with, raw material to work with. All the emotions, the wealth of my experience, the crazyness, the madness, all the inner abundance from fear to unconditional love transformed. From something I feared and suppressed to something I, step by step, learned to embrace and integrate. After 8 years of helplessness and victimhood I could do something very very productive and beautiful with all that had happened to me. It was that switch in seeing myself that finally gifted me with the permission to leave my old pattern behind. Instead of just dangling my feet in the water, I waded in and began to swim.

The main difference between my process before and after was this: self-trust. Trusting my own sensations, emotions, thoughts and perceptions over any external source. Valuing my experiences as real and pertinent to my growth, however crazy or out of this world. I learned to directly sense and experience what is happening to me, within my body, right here right now. Just acknowledging it. No interpretation, no judgement, no meaning. Just is-ness of oneself. No belief system, no diagnosis, no illness. “Just” that what really is.

This inner trust chaned everything. I was no longer fighting an inner enemy, this alien body of illness within and I no longer capitulated to the genetic-biochemic determinism of conventional psychiatry. I reclaimed my inner power and develop a clear, emancipated and self-confident attitude towards myself. I learned to embrace everything inside of me and work with it. It was quite a liberation and after many years, there was real, tangible hope.

2012 was when the real rocket booster fired. I came across this book “In Search of the Miraculous”. Reading it, I was like “Yeah, that’s what I experienced in mania.” or “I had that idea, too.”. That led me to embrace my experiences as a spiritual process on top of everything else. But that is a long story for another time.

Just this, and I have written about this before, compare the experience of manic-psychosis to descriptions of spiritual awakenings and mystical revelations troughout the ages. There is no difference. Just that the intensity of the experience in mania is much stronger and more direct.

So is it a blessing after all? I leave that for you to ponder on. Just don’t accept for a second that your experiences are meaningless. They are not. And they hold the key to your healing and so much more.




photo credit: Hardship often prepares an ordinary person for an extraordinary destiny. via photopin (license)

photo credit: Introspection via photopin (license)

Today marks the final day of my personal interpretation of the Hinduist tenets of the Veda. Those of you who would like to learn more about my point of view on the first six tenets and how I came in touch with all of this may read here and here.

I could not write it more accessible than it is. Hard to digest it may be, but maybe you take away one thing or the other.

So let us sound the final round: East vs. Benjamin.

I introduce the Vedic tenet and then interpret it in my words.

Today we will talk about the “Eight Fundamental Truths of Vedic Wisdom”. Number VII-VIII.

East VII: Vedic Wisdom
“The Vedic sound conveys complete knowledge.”

Benjamin VII: theopusinfinity
“All is vibration. All vibration is a derivative of the one vibration. The sound of God. Many think this is the A.U.M (often referred to as the Ohm or Om) but it’s not. You hear God’s sound in your heart. Heartbeat, the pulse of your heart, the pulse of your energy field that creates your body. Higher vibration translates into lower vibration. Consciousness may become “matter”. 1-2-3-1-2-3-3, that is the heartbeat of the cosmos. Male-Female-Neutral-Male-Female-Neutral-Neutral. The universes dances a Waltz. Your breath expresses all of this. Meditate on that, so that the sound may rise within you. You will see, that this sound is the resonance of the ONE love. Then your word will be creation itself.

East VIII: Vedic Wisdom
“Complete knowledge means understanding the relationship between all that is and the personality of God. ”

Benjamin VIII: theopusinfinity
“God neither is nor has a personality. It is no SELF. It IS. Awareness of IS-NESS through BEING. It is SELF-LESS-NESS. Completion and complete knowledge may be found in the humble and sincere acceptance of this truth. They may be received through letting-go of the individual SELF. “I give myself up utterly to you my God.”. Completeness and complete knowledge lie in the understanding of the relationship of BEING to being. In I to I AM. In time to timelessness. In space to singularity. Consciousness is a process of self-reference, thereby establishing two or more states. Separation is thus an integral prerequisite for self awareness and, at the same time, expression of the consciousness of ALL BEINGS in our universe. Oneness gained from this understanding is a derivative of separation. It is separate from separation and thus NOT the final state. That is NONE-NESS. In relating NONE-NESS to ONE-NESS the true meaning of both may be gleaned. This is well expressed in the movie “Interstellar”. Matthew’s key sentence: “We brought us here ourselves.”.

I hope this finds you at the right time and place.



photo credit: DSC 0187 ep via photopin (license)

Today, I am going to tackle the next three tenets (IV-VI) of the Eight Fundamental Truths of Vedic Wisdom. For those of you who missed my post on the first three, please read here

The Vedas are hinduist texts. An initially oral tradition was later translated into a written canon. The emergence of the Vedas is connected to the arrival of the Arya (1500 B.C.), what suggests a possible earlier origin. The Vedas may thus be one of the oldest legacies known to humankind.

While interpreting tenets I-III came relatively easy, part II proved more difficult. But hey, I wouldn’t be my planed-sized ego myself, if I wouldn’t rise to the challenge ;-).

Let us discuss the “Eight Fundamental Truths of Vedic Wisdom”, number IV-VI.

East IV: Vedic Wisdom
“The material world is the world of dualities and is thus structured multidimensionally and multipolarly.”

Benjamin IV: theopusinfinity
“Let me say the following: this is an allegory of a physics that we are just beginning to understand (relativity, quantum mechanics, string theory, branes etc.). Note: allegory. A one-to-one transfer will not work. However, savour this, this is not Stephen Hawking or Einstein talking. No, it comes from a text 3500 years old. Now.

Let us look at the statement itself. Reading this, I cannot put together the first and the last part of the sentence. My first impulse is to yield. But that is not me. Everyone can understand anything is my personal creed.

So, let us divvy this up. “The material world is the world of dualities…”. So far so good. I think we can all subscribe to that. A world of good and evil, light and dark, hot and cold (compare hermetic principle of polarity). Our world is structured in pairs of opposites.

Lets discuss the “thus” later.

Second part of the sentence “[is] structured multidimensionally and multipolarly.”. Well, that seems to be the exact opposite of duality. Multidimensional or multipolar means what? Everything is relative. Everything is relative. The observer effect from cosmology (multidimensional) and quantum mechanics (multipolar). 1500 B.C. Wow. Hence, as the material world has two opposing poles, it might not from the perspective of another dimension. Einstein once stated that only 3 people on the planet will understand his theory of relativity as most men already struggle with the 3rd dimension. That being said, lets leave physics. Let us replace dimension with “felt reality”. That is when things start making sense. For one person, a summer vacation is great, the other guy loves Island in winter, with infinite shades of grey inbetween. Person 3 does not care about going on vacation at all. Relativity may thus be defined dependent on various scales (dimensions) of what is good or not. The concept of a “felt reality” grants us both the opportunity and ability to view and interpret reality completely different than our neighbor or ourself 5 minutes ago.

However, the shared reality we generally live in is more of a “thought-of reality”, enabling us to interact. The good old Matrix.

“Thus” is the material world multidimensional and multipolar. We exist only by the points of reference we decide to set ourselves. The system we live in is intrinsically endogenous (self-begotten). An observer able of sensation, feeling and thought transforms the “duality trap” into a “felt reality” where everything is possible. The only prerequisite is to actively enact this “felt reality” in awareness of self as a sumproduct of sensation, emotion and thought.

East V: Vedic Wisdom
“The meaning of existence in the material world consists in freeing ourselves from it und reach the spiritual world.”

Benjamin V: theopusinfinity
“Wherever you want to be you are there already. You just have to realise that. You do that through dissolving your perceptual inefficiencies with respect to your inner process one step at a time – if you want to (dis-illusion). On top, I think it is unnecessary to define the meaning of existence that narrowly. Being a good father, a successful manager or a shepherd out in the wild the whole day is more than enough to me personally. Everybody has his or her “felt reality”. That is the meaning of “All roads lead to Rome” (e. g. the heart). To me that is the meaning of “freeing” ourselves from the material world, “freeing” ourselves from duality (Buddhism “maya” = illusion, Native Americans = “smoky mirror”, compare Parable of the Cave, Plato). Death, Ascension, Descension or whatever you want to call it are mere metaphors. Many people strive for ascension. I wanna be a dog in a loving family. So lets do both. You just unlock a new, additional LEVEL. And the Boss is always you ;-). Well in my case it is Barney Stinson. Self high-five.

East VI: Vedic Wisdom
“Our senses translate but a tiny portion of reality in a distorted form into our consciousness.

Benjamin VI: theopusinfinity
“That is exactly my point in V. Perceptual inefficiencies. The biggest one in most of our contempary world-views is the following: outside precedes inside. The outside world is fixed and real. The inner world is mutable and relative. That physicists dig up evidence on the contrary for more than 100 years has yet to reach mass consciousness and consensus reality. Another perceptual inefficiency is that our personality, character or ego is our self. That is not the case. The final, and in my view largest and most fatal inefficiency is that of free will. The thought process of an average person, myself included, is a fuzzy-logic contradictory program made of socialisation, family and public education, indoctrination, marketing and self-imposed rules. The core of that program is “conscience”, which serves as a mental instance imposing control and compliance with societal norms.  It is this program that limits our perception of reality MASSIVELY. Your sense of reason is NEVER in the here and now. That would be contrary to its function.  It categorized, evaluates etc.. Reality, in spiritual and older philosophical traditions, is always defined as perceiving what REALLY IS (via the body). And the only thing we can perceive with a reasonable degree of certainty is the realm of our sensations, emotions and thoughts. Everything else is out of SCOPE, it is part of an sensory apparatus that is directed outward, which has little additonal benefit for your personal growth past the age of 7. Directing our senses inward permits us to slowly regain a feeling for what’s real. What immutably IS. Being. I have this meditation project called The Mellowmind Experience (German). The experience of a mellow mind. I do this workshop called “Mind – Head? Off!”. Mind sees reality. Head (brain, reason, ego etc.) does not, though it later plays a very important role.


Have a great day.


photo credit: DSC 0187 ep via photopin (license)